When i catch that my condition is not good, i feel nervous.
that makes me can’t concentrate on anything.
And need huge amount of caffein…
caffein… i drunk already two big cups of coffee.
Until my stomach refuse more drinking and feel nausea.
Sometimes i really wonder whether i’m sadistic.
In the past, I had some fever to hike mountains.
I really liked the hardness of mountain. When i go upward, my legs were almost paralyzed by pain.
And I loved those sensation.
When I am occurred some bad situation or get a bad symptom of body, I look at the past for seeking my fault.
Finally I made a connection between two, and felt that i got a punishment.
It is a ridiculous and foolish thing. but also It’s a habit with me.
Maybe this comes from a religious tradition, and leads me keep a line.
But those feelings also occurred to irritate nerves.
So i still strain me.
